10- Canadians in general, but more specifically Toronto Maple Leaf fans, get an honourable mention in this hilarious book (though you do have to purchase a version of it containing the "Afterword II", like the Special Gift Edition, that I read):
9- You will find the answer to what the "H" stands for, as in Jesus H. Christ (haven't you always wanted to know?).
8-The age old question of "What if Jesus had known kung fu?" that the author felt needed to be answered, gets answered. I'm sure at one point or another, we've all asked the same thing.
7-You will discover whether or not it's actually possible to teach an elephant yoga and where the phrase "In case of emergency, break glass" probably came from.
6- Learn how the double-double coffee came to be (granted, date sugar and goat's milk are the chosen mediums, but you gotta start somewhere, right?). Again, us Canadians, and our affinity for Tim Horton's coffee, will find much relevance to where it all began.
5- See history in the making as other firsts come about - matches, the charcoal pencil, sarcasm, dumb blond jokes (most likely not historically accurate but they are fun).
4- It will make you (re)read the Bible in order to verify the facts of the story and separate them from the fantastical elements manufactured by the author (and there are lots of these) - Upon completing the book, I got to page 2 of the Old Testament - I know, it's a work in progress
3- Come away from the book with a better understanding of the Aramaic language by learning the translations for wuss and doofus, as they were used in ancient times (though why they didn't appear in the footnotes of my Bible, I'm not entirely sure).
2- The truth (or alternate, alternate truth) about Mary Magdalene is revealed. And it's a truth that women world wide have known for an eternity: women are most definitely smarter than men.
1-You'll want to add Biff to your phone-a-friend list in case you make it on to Who Wants to be a Millionaire, cause he knows stuff no other person on earth knows (Okay, so maybe it's manufactured, but he's so convincing in the telling that even Jesus believed him). Actually, you'd just want to count him as a friend; he's the kinda guy you'd want to have around in the direst of times to add levity to any situation.
1- You will laugh till you cry (or pee your pants) then want to do it all over again!
What, can't I have 2 number ones? Yes, I thought the book was that good and will be re-reading it at some point in the very near future (maybe when I get to page 50 of the Old Testament- which will probably turn out to be sometime next year, at the rate I'm going).
So, I tip my hat to Mr. Moore for keeping me thoroughly entertained from beginning to end and I say to my (small) audience, if you haven't read this book, go do it now!
For more information, check out the author's website:
http://chrismoore.com/
